#7 — If it feels like it was easier back then, it's because it was.
Like you, on any given day I do some invisible calculus as to how to reply when someone asks me how I am.
"OH YOU KNOW," I type to my inquiring friend, "just another day at home with my MacBook and a long walk at some point." Ya feel?
^ We’ve actually had some rare “tubulares” (that’s Portuguese for tubular… which was a fun moment for me) waves in Rio lately, which has made for some especially pleasant long walks. Save for the psycho pigeons. Honestly. Why GOD, WHY?
She summarizes her realness – "pandemic fine" – which seems to be code for this: all I know is things don't feel right basically all of the time. Apparently, we’ve entered the "languishing" phase of the pandemic as this NYT article by organizational psychologist Adam Grant describes. Literally, four people sent me this which tells you something right there. One way we cope (apart from making sure our friends are within our proverbial arm's reach) is we put things into context. We name our experience as if it’s something we can hold onto.
"I don’t know. It just feels like life WAS SO MUCH easier back then,” I write as a warm breeze flirts through the window and I stare into the now crusty remains in my coffee mug. My friend replies, “It’s because they were!”
Even though it’s a relentless slippery slope, it's tempting to blame or credit our circumstances for our well-being.
We know wealth, beauty, hell even just a sense of predictability won’t eliminate our problems but we pursue them all the same – with varying degrees of intensity and, of course, means. We’re told this isn’t a problem per se, so long as we’re “mindful”.
^ Facts: I am down 8-1 in chess matches with Marcos… and that monkey freshness saver is my favourite purchase of 2021. Unfortunately, it's plastic but man win some, lose some.
But what about the reality of our circumstances?
Buddhist philosophy suggests there are real things in the world, we just can't access them as we think they. Reality appears to each of us one way in one moment, and another the next. And the next. And, you get where I’m going with this.
Still, even with this perspective in mind, we tend to mistake what’s real with what’s unchanging, essential. For example, when we're sold or otherwise get something that isn't what we think it is we generally don't handle it well. This point was hammered home for me the other night when I watched Made You Look, a documentary about a bunch of mostly white, super-rich people losing their shit over an $80M fraudulent art scandal. I can get pretty ticked when I buy red wine and get something resembling the kind my mom bottles by the case, so I get it. We want what we want.
There’s the mess of our interpretations of real appearances, and then there’s this powerful point made by mindfulness coach George Mumford: “context is more important than the content.” What works for me, might not work for you. Not because it’s wrong, but because it doesn’t fit.
It’s a stretch, but we’re the only ones who can come close to understanding the nuances of our ever-changing context. But if intuition, as Gary Klein claims in Sources of Power: How people make decisions, is neither something we have nor don’t, but something that grows from experience we at least stand a chance at trusting our gut reaction to what's going on. We stand a chance at accepting our reality as it appears to us now, at this moment, so we can respond from a place of compassion, care, and creativity. We can be in it and know we aren't stuck.
Take good care of yourselves. And follow Cher on Twitter because honestly WHAT A GIFT.
And until next time, beijos do Rio,
Jodi
“My own lived experiences show me you can’t separate the social from the technical."
- Joy Buolamwini in Coded Bias -
PS. This is usually where I plug in what I've published on Medium. Not today. I am going through some kind of reflective process about Medium as a dopamine-fueled content writing farm that I got wrapped up in and learned a lot from… and now, it's time to try something new! Plus, damn trying to express yourself when algorithmic forces are running the show, but more on that later. For now, I highly recommend watching Coded Bias on Netflix :)
What I'm Reading (and Loving) Right Now
Rework by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou
Gather Together In My Name by Maya Angelou
Singin’ and Swingin’ And Getting Merry Like Christmas by Maya Angelou